Hey, You

You seem so at ease in your skin – sometimes. You are set in your ways.  And you toy with me; pillows, and blankets, and television between us.  You touch my breasts, and kiss me sometimes, put your foot between my legs.  Rub my back.

I’m so aware in my skin. All the time.

Time has passed and I can see it in both of our faces,  in the way we move, and  speak.  Despite all that, it’s as if a day hasn’t passed.  I look at you, and I still see that young, cute boy that I knew a long time ago. That boy I never fucked.  The boy I now wonder what would have happened if we had – all those years ago?

Now, we have fucked. And it’s good.

I like you.  And it scares me a little.  I like spending time with you. It confuses me.  You confuse me.  You keep me at arms length sometimes, and I wonder why we have walls up with each other?  Can’t we just take them down, brick by brick?  I know we both have years of hurt and damage that we live with, and those walls are there for protection, but I don’t want to protect myself from you.

I like sitting in restaurants with you, and on patios, and on your couch.  I like it when you kiss me.  I like it when you bite my nipples, my ass.  I like your bed.  I like looking at you, and you hate it when I do.

Please, let me look.  I have spent so many years avoiding eye contact, scanning a room constantly; anything to avoid connecting with someone.  I need to look.

You are so sexy.  And hot.  And I like having sex with you.

Last weekend –

I feel your hand on my thigh, lightly rubbing as you inch your way between my legs, higher and higher. Two fingers finally rest on my panties and pull them off. I kick them to the floor. I rub between your legs. You’re hard. I’m wet.

Fingers slip inside me and one rubs my clit. I arch towards you and pull your heads to me to kiss you. You bite my lower lip – hard. I bite back, and slip my tongue in your mouth. Your fingers work more insistently and I moan. You take my vibrator and begin rubbing me with it. Then slip it inside. My legs tremble, and I come hard. You are good at what you do.

“I want you inside me. Right now,” I say quietly. “Come here.”

You unzip your pants and they fall to the floor. Two seconds later you are inside me, moving with me. You feel so good. You grab my hair and pull my head back. Lean your head down and bite my nipple. Lick it. Suck it. I gasp and come. And then, again. You continue to thrust, harder and harder.

“Fuck me, please,” I say.

You do.

I am on the edge of your bed, you standing over me, pushing into me. I grip your back and run my nails down it. I pull you into me. Deeper. I’m coming over and over again.

After, you tell me to lie still. You look at me. I look at your face. My legs continue shaking.

I think about the day that you will spank me with the riding crop on the dresser. Tie me to your bed posts. Control me totally.  I won’t say no.

Don’t wait too much longer.

“Shape Of You” – Ed Sheeran

The club isn’t the best place to find a lover
So the bar is where I go
Me and my friends at the table doing shots
Drinking fast and then we talk slow
Come over and start up a conversation with just me
And trust me I’ll give it a chance now
Take my hand, stop
Put Van The Man on the jukebox
And then we start to dance
And now I’m singing like Girl, you know I want your love
Your love was handmade for somebody like me
Come on now, follow my lead
I may be crazy, don’t mind me
Say, boy, let’s not talk too much
Grab on my waist and put that body on me
Come on now, follow my lead
Come, come on now, follow my lead

I’m in love with the shape of you
We push and pull like a magnet do
Although my heart is falling too
I’m in love with your body
And last night you were in my room
And now my bedsheets smell like you
Every day discovering something brand new
I’m in love with your body
Oh I oh I oh I oh I
I’m in love with your body
Oh I oh I oh I oh I
I’m in love with your body
Oh I oh I oh I oh I
I’m in love with your body
Every day discovering something brand new
I’m in love with the shape of you

One week in we let the story begin
We’re going out on our first date
You and me are thrifty
So go all you can eat
Fill up your bag and I fill up a plate
We talk for hours and hours about the sweet and the sour
And how your family is doing okay
Leave and get in a taxi, then kiss in the backseat
Tell the driver make the radio play
And I’m singing like

Girl, you know I want your love
Your love was handmade for somebody like me
Come on now, follow my lead
I may be crazy, don’t mind me
Say, boy, let’s not talk too much
Grab on my waist and put that body on me
Come on now, follow my lead
Come, come on now, follow my lead

I’m in love with the shape of you
We push and pull like a magnet do
Although my heart is falling too
I’m in love with your body
And last night you were in my room
And now my bedsheets smell like you
Every day discovering something brand new
I’m in love with your body
Oh I oh I oh I oh I
I’m in love with your body
Oh I oh I oh I oh I
I’m in love with your body
Oh I oh I oh I oh I
I’m in love with your body
Every day discovering something brand new
I’m in love with the shape of you

“Why Can’t I?” – Liz Phair

Get a load of me, get a load of you
Walkin’ down the street, and I hardly know you
It’s just like we were meant to be

Holding hands with you when we’re out at night
Got a girlfriend, you say it isn’t right
And I’ve got someone waiting too

What if this is just the beginning
We’re already wet, and we’re gonna go swimming

Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can’t I speak whenever I talk about you
It’s inevitable, it’s a fact that we’re gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you

Isn’t this the best part of breakin’ up
Finding someone else you can’t get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too

It’s an itch we know we are gonna scratch
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch
But wouldn’t it be beautiful

Here we go, we’re at the beginning
We haven’t fucked yet, but my heads spinning

Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can’t I speak whenever I talk about you
It’s inevitable, it’s a fact that we’re gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you

High enough for you to make me wonder
Where it’s goin’
High enough for you to pull me under
Somethin’s growin’
out of this that we can control
Baby I am dyin’

Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can’t I speak whenever I talk about you

Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can’t I speak whenever I talk about you
It’s inevitable, it’s a fact that we’re gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you

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