Thoughts of an Affair

The persistent north wind chases the russet, crackling leaves across the street in front of me as I drive to work in the morning. The road is cracked and uneven, and I can feel the bumps as I pass over them. The sky is gray. The trees are in the process of becoming bare, their bare branches reaching out to the sky, towards the heavens, as if they are thankful. It is the first day of December in Texas, and I am on my way to a meeting. Those leaves swirl and whip around my tires in an endless parade of bright color, a stark contrast to the faded landscape and sky. My focus is on those leaves. That one bright spot of color and movement in a stark landscape.

The world is preparing for winter. As the warmth of colors from fall wash away into the pallet of whites, browns, and grays of the deep months, there is a shift. A shift in the world, and a shift in me.   There is an introspective quietness in my soul at the ending of a year, and there is also the preparation, anticipation, and exhilaration for a new one. I bundle up in warmer clothes, spend more time indoors, and I have more time for reflection over the year – what I would have changed or done differently, what I am thankful for, and how many wonderful ways God worked in my life throughout the year.

There is also a hint of melancholy. Maybe a tinge of sadness. Not in a bad way, but almost a shadow on me of the changing season. Like the cracked road, dry grass, and gray skies, the world and I are waiting expectantly for that burst of vibrance and life – leaves swirling across our path, just as the world awaited a Savior all those years ago. Jesus came, a bright burst of goodness in the darkness. God just plans things out so perfectly. He prompts us to recall that birth and to worship Him in gentle reminders – in the barrenness, in the cold, and in the trees reaching to Him without their leaves. In the colors pushed by the wind, sweeping through my life as a promise of hope – a promise of Jesus. Even in my sin.

My lusty dreams and thoughts.  I am adulterous – and He forgives me.  I need to repent.  I can’t.  God – I’m just being honest. I know in three days I will be meeting my one.  I feel guilt and excitement, I’m aroused.  Anxiously counting the minutes until I see him, smell him, hold him, feel him inside me.

Yeah, I know – I graduated from dreams to the real act.  An affair. Did I just write that out loud?

“In Case You Didn’t Know”
Brett Young

I can’t count the times
I almost said what’s on my mind
But I didn’t Just the other day
I wrote down all the things I’d say
But I couldn’t
I just couldn’t Baby I know that you’ve been wondering
Mmm, so here goes nothing In case you didn’t know
Baby I’m crazy bout you
And I would be lying if I said
That I could live this life without you
Even though I don’t tell you all the time
You had my heart a long long time ago
In case you didn’t know

The way you look tonight
That second glass of wine
That did it

There was something bout that kiss
Girl it did me in
Got me thinking
I’m thinking

One of the things that I’ve been feeling
Mmm, it’s time you hear em

In case you didn’t know
Baby I’m crazy bout you
And I would be lying if I said
That I could live this life without you
Even though I don’t tell you all the time
You had my heart a long long time ago
In case you didn’t know

You’ve got all of me
I belong to you
Yeah you’re my everything

In case you didn’t know
I’m crazy bout you
I would be lying if I said
That I could live this life without you
Even though I don’t tell you all the time
You had my heart a long long time ago
Yeah, you had my heart a long long time ago
In case you didn’t know
In case you didn’t know

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