Dreams

Of a Day in NYC

“I’m in town on business for a few days,” he said, “I’m finished for the day.  What are you doing right now?”

“Absolutely nothing,” I lied as I smiled, anticipating the possibilities this might present.  Hurricane meets hurricane…

“Want to get a drink?  Do you drink?”

“Yes, and yes,” I replied smiling.  Could he see my pulse in my head and neck?  One pale hand covered in paint rose to my throat, covering it, hoping to seem feminine and coy, but he noticed the paint.

“Are you painting?”

“Huh? Oh, yes,” I stammered, “Just working on a show.  “I’m almost finished,” I fibbed and switched gears.  “I know a great place for a drink if you don’t mind coming with me back to my place for a moment, so I can change?”  I splayed my hands downward, laughing at my outfit.  Leggings, large man’s button down covered in paint, and galoshes.

Love has come for me again, I think in my head as my heart pounds.

He laughed and agreed and we walked the few blocks back to my Air B and B while we talked.

He was in the industry, making movies, directing, acting.  was happily married to a girl that he said reminded him of me, but had had lots of girlfriends along the way, was in New York infrequently, but in Dallas a lot, lived in L.A., had three sons.

“This is it,” I said cheerfully when we arrived at my building.  I turned the key in the lock and opened the door for him which he quickly took from me and gestured for me to go through.  I remembered him being a gentleman, always polite and kind and creative.  He placed his hand on the small of my back and walked closely behind me.  I had deja-vu.  We had done this before.  I started perspiring, even though it was a very cool day.  I hit the up button at the elevator.  He wrapped his arms around me from behind.  Not hesitantly or softly, but with a message of desire.  I knew this hug.  I would always remember this hug.  He had been the first boy I had ever felt love with.

I bent my head back, pointed my tongue licked his neck.  It was bold, but felt right.  I hadn’t had sex in over a year and on a general basis, I was terrified of it.  My husband had been the only one I had been with for 21 years, and it had grown cold and infrequent.  We lived on two separate sides of the house now.

“Bom Bidi Bom”
Nick Jonas (with Nicki Minaj)

I was wrong and you were right
If I was yours and you were mine
But it was all good (yeah)
You were gone and I was bad
And I was good and you were bad
But it was all good
‘Cause I’m an addict, I’m your patient
Your lips are the medication
Come here baby, yeah, you know just what I want
You got that Bom bidi bom bom bom bom bom
Bom bidi bom bom
You give me bad bad love
But I love it baby
Love me all night long
If you want baby, like
Bom bidi bom bom bom bom bom
Bom bidi bom bom bom
‘Cause you’re a bad bad girl
But I love it baby
Love me all night long
If you want baby, yeah
(Bom bodi bom bode bode bom bom
Bom bodi bom bode bode bom bom
Bom bodi bom bode bode bom bom
Bom bodi bom bode bode bom bom) You played it front, I played it back
You be the first, I be the last
I call it good love
Every kiss and every touch
It’s like a hit ain’t enough
I call it good love
‘Cause I’m an addict, I’m your patient
Your lips are the medication
Come here baby, yeah, you know just what I want
You got that Bom bidi bom bom bom bom bom
Bom bidi bom bom
You give me bad bad love
But I love it baby
Love me all night long
If you want baby, like
Bom bidi bom bom bom bom bom
Bom bidi bom bom bom
‘Cause you’re a bad bad girl
But I love it baby
Love me all night long
If you want baby, yeah
(Bom bodi bom bode bode bom bom
Bom bodi bom bode bode bom bom
Bom bodi bom bode bode bom bom) Yo, b-b-b-b-bye, b-b-b-b-bye
He said, if he can’t hit my bullseye, he’d rather die
He put it on me better than any other guy
He said, he need a bad bitch with an alibi
Yo, give me the money, the yen and the pesos
Sext me on the beach in Turks and Caicos
I give him that work, that twerk, that slay hoes
Sippin’ Grey Goose, and pushin’ that grey ghost
Uh, assume the position when you see a bad one
The D so good, he just got a And 1
I’m about to blow, and I ain’t talking Samsung
I’m about to show him what I do with that tongue

If I was going to jump into it with someone, it was going to be this man holding me in his arms.  It wasn’t even a question.  I suddenly knew that I wouldn’t paint for the rest of the day and that we would never make it to the bar.  The elevator doors opened and we stepped in.  We immediately turned to each other and kissed.  Hard.  Frantic.  Thirty years of not being together.

His hands ran up under my painting shirt and to my back.  Bending me back, he kissed me deeper.  It was so thrilling.  My favorite scene in a movie had always been lovers in an elevator.  I felt like a cliché, but I didn’t give a shit.  It was happening to me and I was going with it.  I tried hard to be fully present and remember every detail. This may never happen again.  I opened my eyes and looked at his eyes, his hair and forehead; all the same, just older and maybe wiser?  His face, bearded, I let my lids fall closed again and concentrated on the kiss.

On my floor, the doors opened to an empty hallway and we exited quickly, holding hands loosely as we walked to my door.  I again used my keys to open the door and we went in and he softly closed the door locking the deadbolts.  I gasped as he came toward me.  I fell into his arms and we started ripping off our clothes, stepping out of entangled fabric and tearing each others tops off.  We moved towards my large unmade bed, him guiding me backwards to the end of it. I finally felt my knees hit and I immediately pulled him down on top of me.  His hands were all over me and mine were on his cock.  It was soft skinned, smooth and beautiful to the touch, hard and pulsing, I wanted it inside me now.  I opened my legs and wrapped them around his lower back as he entered me.  He gave a few hard and slow thrusts and then flipped me.

Surely there would be a price to pay for this; a price for feeling so good.  I rode him softly, tenderly, and with pent up emotion at first, but as he gave me permission with the way his body responded, with the intensity of his kisses, I rode with more of a brave spirit, an abandon, and a sense of being carefree and in the moment than I ever had, animalistic.  I could truly love him now.  Too late.

Fleeting sadness washed away as I came. I orgasmed, and then again.  He held me tight and continued to move me slowly.  I climaxed again.  His hands gripped my thighs and squeezed.  I cried out in a soft moan, unbelieving that the sound came from my own body.  He pulled my hair, twisting it in his hand.  He groaned and thrust one last time, and then I collapsed on him, my head in the nook of his neck and chest.  The sweat form the two of us mixing and giving off a most enchanting smell.  Like lavender, musk, sweat, sex, and love.  He kissed the nape of my neck tenderly.

“Where have you been,” he whispered.

“Waiting for you,” I replied softly, automatically, and after a pause, “For a long time.  I didn’t know it though,” and then louder, “That was awesome.  I forgot just how good sex with you was!”  I knew it had been the best I had ever experienced, I just didn’t remember how good.

I began to cry soft tears that rolled down my cheeks over my open smile and onto his chest, mixing with our sweat.

He lifted my chin and licked my cheek. I was mortified and embarrassed at my tears, but also, I just felt such relief and joy, I couldn’t do anything else.  And his tongue felt so good.

“I hope those are good tears,’ he said quietly.

“Yes,” was all I could muster.  I could feel his strength underneath me.  It was a weight I had been craving my entire life.  Not only the physical form of it, but the emotional.  Him.  Him only.  The kind of love I had needed, but hadn’t received, or given, or been able to give, As if sensing my thoughts, he pulled me close, his strong arms enveloping me in a bear hug, pulling me to him.

I broke down in sobs.  “How are you here?  How?” Then ’Oh no,’ I thought violently, ‘Don’t ugly cry in front of him; not yet.’

And still he just held me the way I had always wanted to be held.  The way he used to try to hold me, but we were young, naïve, unknowing.

“Please don’t ever let go, “I thought.

I willed my tears to stop and smiled at him as he sat up, me still astride him, and him inside me.  I could feel him grow hard again, and he slowly moved, kissing the front of my throat softly and licking my tears that traveled. I kissed him on the mouth, tenderly, but insistently. He moved faster, harder, and I moved up and down as he held me in the firm place of his grip.  I could only go as far away from him as he would let me.

All of a sudden, he said, “I was waiting for you.”

I looked at him with amazement and sadness.  I’m sure my eyes were huge with disbelief.  I laughed through my tears.

“Come again,” he quietly said, and on cue, I did.  I looked into his beautiful eyes.

“Oh, my God.  Always,” I moaned, “Always, with you only.” And I then I did again.  My legs were shaking and my heart was pounding.

“Yes,” he said brusquely as he came into me again.  I imagined all the hurt I caused the young man in him.  The years we could have had, I had ruined.

We collapsed on the bed, legs entangled, staring into each others eyes like we would never see each other again.  I brought one fingertip to the back of his neck and gently tickled back and forth.

“You make me more me than I’ve ever been,” I said quietly, almost inaudible, but he heard me.

“I couldn’t put it into words, he said, “But that is it exactly.  You are what makes me a better me.  I love you”

“I love you,” I said, almost with disbelief.  The tremble and throatiness of my voice gave me away.

“I won’t ever leave you or hurt you.  I’m not your parents, or your ex,” he said firmly. “I am the other half of ‘us”.”

I cried softly, wanting to believe, but nothing in my life had led me to a moment in which I could believe it. I felt loved again.  Truly, deeply loved for who I was; trouble, dangerous, emotional, sexual, unorganized, artsy, flighty, loving, needy, and most of all, though I didn’t know it myself, beautiful, creative, a good mother, and extremely special.

Of Parking Lots in New Mexico

He pulled in right next to me, and I jumped from my car and into his.  I climbed in the back seat behind him, cross-legged and leaning forward, I slowly began to caress the back of his neck with my fingertips, ever so gently, just where the collar of his shirt met his hair.  Then I wrapped my arms loosely around his shoulders.

“I love you,” I whispered in his ear.  His strong hands took hold of my forearms and squeezed.

“Get up here,” he said, his voice quiet.

I climbed between the front seats, cat-like, as he hit the button for his seat to move back and recline slightly.  I straddled him, lifting my flowy, linen skirt around my waist.  He pulled me to him, his hands at the small of my back.  I felt his hardness through my wet panties.  He pushed against me and groaned.  Our kiss was all probing tender tongues, devouring each other, but not wet and sloppy; perfect.  I reached down and unzipped his pants as his hands grasped at the sides of my panties.  I slid the crotch area to the side for him to enter me and I gasped gratefully.  He began to move.  I was lifted to another place.  All that was in the world was the two of this magnificent, life-altering sex, and us.  I could feel the bottom of the steering wheel on my bottom sometimes, but I didn’t care.  All I knew was I wanted him.

We fucked hard and fast. I couldn’t get enough.  It was crack.  He was crack. His tongue and beard on my nipples, flicking gently and then sucking hard, his hands squeezing my ass. Heaven.  Don’t wake up.

This Town – Niall Horan

Waking up to kiss you and nobody’s there
The smell of your perfume still stuck in the air
It’s hard
Yesterday I thought I saw your shadow running ’round
It’s funny how things never change in this old town
So far
From the stars

And I want to tell you everything
The words I never got to say the first time around
And I remember everything
From when we were the children playing in this fairground
Wish I was there with you now

‘Cause if the whole world was watching I’d still dance with you
Drive highways and byways to be there with you
Over and over the only truth
Everything comes back to you
Mmmmm

I saw that you moved on with someone new
In the pub that we met he’s got his arms around you
It’s so hard
So hard

And I want to tell you everything
The words I never got to say the first time around
And I remember everything
From when we were the children playing in this fairground
Wish I was there with you now

‘Cause if the whole world was watching I’d still dance with you
Drive highways and byways to be there with you
Over and over the only truth
Everything comes back to you

You still make me nervous when you walk in the room
Them butterflies—they come alive when I’m next to you
Over and over the only truth
Everything comes back to you

And I know that it’s wrong
That I can’t move on
But there’s something ’bout you

‘Cause if the whole world was watching I’d still dance with you
Drive highways and byways to be there with you
Over and over the only truth
Everything comes back to you

You still make me nervous when you walk in the room
Them butterflies—they come alive when I’m next to you
Over and over the only truth
Everything comes back to you
Mmmm
Everything comes back to you
Mmmm

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